Let Me In
by InfinityAndOne
Summary: [One-Shot] Alternative ending to S31, E09. Ethan gives his brother the two tickets, but Cal knows something is wrong and is determined to get to the bottom of it. Even if it means ditching Alicia.


_A/N: I didn't like yesterday's ending for the episode that much, so I altered it slightly. It's kind of rubbish but I hope you enjoy it, regardless._

* * *

Ethan walked into the staffroom quickly. If he did it slowly, there would be more time to think about what he was doing and therefore more time for him to backtrack on what he was doing. But he was doing the right thing and this way, no-one would get hurt. On the contrary, everyone (except for Ethan, maybe) would be happier. Ethan knew he would just have to get used to not being happy. He would find the emotion pretty rare when… _it_ started.

"There." He practically threw the tickets out in front of his brother. "Two tickets. Alicia is getting a cab in half an hour so you better be ready." It was harsher than he'd intended, but he knew it meant to room for discussion. This was the decision. No backing out.

Cal turned his eyes, then his head, then his body, until he was fully facing Ethan. The look on his face was one of only shock and words seemed beyond him for a moment, before he came out with an unflattering grunt: "huh?"

Ethan sighed. "There are the two tickets you so desperately wanted, Caleb," he began. "Go and take Alicia out and have some fun or something." He felt tears threatening to rise behind his glasses. If only it was he who would have fun with Alicia. But he wasn't good enough and Cal was. "See you at home."

He spun around and traipsed out of the staffroom, not allowing his tears to fall. This was just life, and it wasn't like he wasn't used to it anyway.

* * *

It wasn't right. It was completely and categorically wrong. Ethan was set on taking Alicia to the awards night and didn't seem to be letting up, so why the sudden change of heart?

He picked the tickets up and stared at them, though not really seeing them. He no longer saw a fun night with the girl he so desperately wanted to like him back. He saw his younger brother, who gave his brother the tickets _he_ was given. All he saw was two bits of paper with the words 'guilt' written on them. The tabletop met his head with force. Twice.

Why did he have to be so stupid?

* * *

He typed quickly, desperate to find answers. Except he didn't even know the question.

It was the right thing to do. He had to know his place. He was the brother who didn't 'get the girl'. Even when he was a teenager, girls preferred his brother. They even two-timed him with Caleb. He'd known all along really, he just didn't want to admit it. He was destined to be lonely for the rest of his life, watching as Cal would find the perfect girl and has a wonderful life.

And it was only more confirmed now. He had Huntington's disease. He would not only live a lonely life, but he would die alone. Cal would be with his wife ( _possibly Alicia_ , Ethan thought bitterly, _though it is much too soon to be thinking about that — even for Cal_ ) and maybe his children, living the life Ethan so desperately craved. Even more so now he knew he would never live to the age he'd always strived for. And, gosh, he wished he could still continue coping with the knowledge that he had this gene ready to destroy him slowly. And he _had_ been coping. But then everything seemed to be falling apart again and he wondered how he ever thought it was okay.

He _was_ going to die and he _was_ going to be alone.

At least now he wasn't holding Alicia back. He wouldn't have to burden her with the knowledge that he had Huntington's disease. At least he wouldn't have to bear the pain of her running away as soon as it started ( _not that there was any reason to assume she would_ , the other part of his brain defended, though he wasn't sure why — Alicia shouldn't have meant anything to him anymore).

Ethan glanced at the time on his laptop as he heard the front door unlock. For a moment he was confused — he only came home half-an-hour ago, so why was Cal back?

 _Maybe he's been dumped_.

"Ethan?"

No. He sounded far too content and sober.

Cal emerged from the hallway, smiling when he saw Ethan. "Hey." He dumped his bag on the floor, something with Ethan would usually comment on, but he couldn't be bothered to this time.

"You're meant to be with Alicia," he stated. "You haven't stood her up, have you?" He couldn't stand the thought of two people standing her up, even if he was the reason that both people stood her up.

"Nah — she's going with Elle. She took a bit of convincing and wondered why you weren't going, but she said she didn't want Alicia to go alone so… she went."

It sounded so simple to Ethan, but he couldn't help feeling angry at Cal. He _gave_ him a chance. Literally threw it in front of him, and he didn't take it. Even after pestering Ethan for the majority of the shift.

"You shouldn't have done that," he muttered, turning back to his laptop screen and reading through the article.

He felt the sofa dip as Cal casually sat beside him, peering over at his screen. Ethan shut it rapidly and stared at his brother.

"Oooo — what you looking at then?" he smiled, but how could he when he so easily let Alicia down?

Ethan sneered. "None of your business, Caleb."

All Cal did was raise his eyebrows and grin cheekily. "Nothing naughty, little brother?"

"For goodness sake, Caleb!" he exclaimed. "Can you just leave me alone?"

Cal leaned back, looking shocked but not offended. "Yeah, sure." He got up slowly and started to walk out of the room, but he turned back when he reached the door — a worried and slightly sad look on his face. "Just… look, Ethan. If you need to talk… or anything, I'll be in my room. Okay?"

Ethan opened his laptop and started typing again, without so much as an acknowledgement of what Cal was talking about. If he went to Cal and spilled everything on his mind, he knew he would never be able to stop. And trusting Cal meant hoping for support. He couldn't assume that. Not now.

* * *

Cal threw his head back and rubbed his hands roughly over his face in frustration. Something was definitely wrong with Ethan but Ethan wouldn't talk to him. He should have been smart enough to guess this would happen. He did like Alicia. He really liked Alicia. And considering Ethan wasn't making a move, he decided to. But then he intruded on Ethan's chance and he couldn't have been more wrong to do what he did.

But he should have been more supportive. He did try and help Ethan at first… but something _was_ holding him back. He's never been _that_ bad at trying to flirt with girls. He fell backwards onto his bed, sighing to himself and closing his eyes. He had to become a better brother and that meant getting Ethan on-side.

* * *

Three hours later and Cal decided to brave it. He was going to help his brother whether he liked it or not. He rose from his bed (where he'd practically been hiding away) and slowly walked to the living room. This was it. This was when he became a good brother again…

…but he hadn't considered the possibility that Ethan would be sleeping.

Cal smiled sadly. He always liked watching Ethan as he slept. Not in a creepy way — he just loved how he looked so peaceful and without all the worry and troubles he must carry on his shoulders. Even more so after the diagnosis.

He threw the nearby blanket over his brother so he wouldn't get cold as he slept and grabbed the laptop, opening the lid. He quietly typed in the password and exhaled heavily as he saw what Ethan was looking at.

There were various tabs open in the web browser. One by one, Cal clicked on them. ' _Huntington's Disease symptoms_ ', ' _when does Huntington's Disease start?_ ', ' _Huntington's Disease: real-life stories_ ', ' _Having a baby without chance of Huntington's Disease_?', ' _dealing with Huntington's_ ', ' _How to handle the prospect of dying_ ', ' _Will there ever be a cure for Huntington's Disease?_ ' and possibly the most saddening one – ' _how to cope alone with Huntington's Disease_?'.

Cal carefully placed the laptop down beside him and leaned closer to his little brother, stroking his blonde hair. "Oh, Ethan," he whispered. "When will you let me in?"


End file.
